Its late. I’ve realized I’ve written many posts – but never make them public. lol. So figured it was time for an update on myself.
I’ve been going thru some highs and lows. Its february. My birthday just passed and in all truth, I was not looking forward to it.
February 14th was my birthday. Yep that is valentines day. But it was also the mark of my mothers 10 month passing. Sucks that it has to fall on THAT date..
She would have called me first thing in the morning before. Sang me happy birthday and we would have went over to her house for dinner. She would have made my favorite meal and a cake.
And my gift? Something I could wear/use for work. Never failed. She always added to my work wardrobe because she knew i hated having to shop for them myself.
Not this year.
No wakeup call.
No special meal.
No moms voice.
Now don’t get me wrong. My husband went above and beyond to try and makeup for her absence.
he took me to dinner after work Friday at a beautiful new spot. I ate lobster and chicken. Even had a tres leche’s treat after. it was delish.
he bought me 3 dozen roses in red white and pink. Each bunch in different locations at different times to be found.. they where Gorgeous.
He also bought me a heart necklace with my birthstone (amethyst/purple)
He bought me a birthday cake and sang happy birthday to me.
He gave me chocolate covered strawberries that melted in your mouth.
He signed us up for Crossfit classes together. <3
If it was not for HIM, i would have been lost and just slept the entire day away.
But – still – i really really realllly missed her. 🙁
Later Saturday we went to families house out in plainfield.
I hesitated going. Truthfully, didn’t feel like going at all..
Why? Because I was feeling depressed and wasn’t confident in being able to smile when all i wanted to do was cry.
I didn’t want to feel ‘left out’ or ‘out of place’
And tho it might sound weird reading that here not knowing the true context of it.. you have to understand..
The family we visited is the family of my brother in law.. Now don’t get me wrong again – I love that side.. they are more then just extended laws to me.. and i thank god every day for bringing such a wonderful family into our lives.. however.. understanding that it is more of my sisters ‘family’ is why i felt a bit out of place..
Also – understand – My mother spoiled me for my birthday. Yes I share my bday with my oldest sister but .. My mom – she had a cake for each one of us. And lets face the facts here, I was the baby – so birthdays revolved around me.. 😉
Even when i was surrounded by hundreds of other people.. my mother ALWAYS made me feel like it was all about me. Made me feel like for one day out of the entire year – I was important and meant something to someone. It was “my day”.
I just didn’t know if i could handle being around people that day. But i went. I kept a smile on and I did my best to hold it together.
When we left – on the way home – i had a mini break down. Manny helped me thru it and I fell asleep the rest of the way.
He is my Rock. He is my BETTER half. He is what always brings me back to good and light. I owe him so much and lord knows i can take him for granted at times. He is my EVERYTHING.
I love him “TO THE MOON AND BACK” (we totally have been saying that saying wayyy before it was “POPULAR” btw..) To infinity and beyond.. Forever and Always – For all eternity and after!
Anyways, moving on.
Today i had a release. We finished about 12:05 at night.
I am a bit irked today however.
Not from work but because I was expecting a package today that says it was delivered and went “missing”.
Now I’ve been home ALL DAY. The package says it was delivered at 5:40 pm.
Ughz.. I was soooo looking forward to that package today to 🙁 It was the cooooolest onsie ever being delivered that I won from one of the coolest onsie producers around. I am utterly heart broken.
I’ve called ups already and filed a claim and they are starting an investigation.
Its an effen shame… but on that note – we will be taking extra precautionary steps now as well to keep an eye on my mail because i’m sick of people stealing my shhhhhh..
I’m done for the night.
It’s late and i have work manana. so let me end this here.